Something I’m seeing increasingly within the trans community is people claiming that it’s “reductive, narrow minded and transphobic” to have a genital preference. These are invariably bisexual or pansexual trans women who seem to think that because they don’t have a genital preference, nobody else is entitled to one, either.
Yes, there are actually trans women out there insisting that any lesbian who refuses consider them a partner because of their penis is “transphobic.” That lesbian might stand with the T in a parade. She might offer her support in every way she can. She might never have uttered a transphobic slur in her life. But the fact that she considers a penis to be a deal breaker in the bedroom makes her ‘transphobic.’ So you take an ally and call them ‘transphobic’ anyway. Is it any wonder that the TERFs are gaining traction in the lesbian community?
This seems to be exclusively a trans phenomenon. If a straight person stands up for gay rights, but refuses to get intimate with someone of the same sex as them, nobody starts yelling ‘homophobe.’ To qualify as phobic, someone needs to demonstrate negativity or hostility to someone else at a social level. There’s a world of difference between kicking a same sex couple out of your taxi for kissing, or refusing to make them a pizza, and refusing to join in a threesome with them.
As one of my friends put it, some trans people use the cry of ‘transphobia’ as a sword and shield against anything that they don’t feel suitably accommodates them as a trans person. In this case, they’re upset that their dating pool is somewhat restricted by their trans status. So let’s accuse everyone of being phobic.
True, the situation is slightly different with someone post-surgery. Then you get into the sticky situation of whether a genital preference can also include a preference for congenital (as at birth) sexual parts. But still, it’s the person’s choice to make. When it comes to a sexual coupling, freely given consent by all parties involved is what matters, along with each person’s perception of the other’s sex and gender: just because you see yourself sexually as female and a woman, it doesn’t oblige a partner to see you the same way for the purposes of having sex with you. Again, this isn’t the “refusing to make you a pizza” situation. Yes, it’s pretty upsetting if someone drops you like a hot potato the moment they find out you’ve had surgery, but unless the rejection is hostile, it’s just withdrawal of interest and consent, rather than transphobia.
Most of all, this attitude is homophobic (it’s also heterophobic, if you accept that such a thing is possible.) The gay rights movement has spent over 50 years listening to heterosexuals tell them they have an obligation to be heterosexuals. Now they have to listen to trans bisexuals and pansexuals telling them they have to be bisexuals and pansexuals.
We are forever telling LGB people that if they can’t stand with the T’s, then they don’t belong under the LGBT umbrella. Well the same goes for the T’s who can’t respect that some L’s and G’s have an exclusive genital preference. If, as a T, you can’t stand with the L and the G, then you don’t belong in LGBT either.
