Update: Since writing this, Facebook has removed the ‘view as’ feature as described below, so you’ll no longer be able to complete this part (unless they’ve since reinstated it.) To see how your profile looks from another account, you’ll actually have to look at it with another account. You could possibly do this with you male account, prior to blocking it from your female one.
This is something I originally posted to tvChix. The message is quite old now and has been archived, which means I can’t edit it on there. I’m reproducing it here so I can make a few tweaks.
This dates back to when I was still mostly in the closet. I’m out of it now, but I still appreciate that it’s always a risk. No matter how acceptable being LGBT supposedly is these days, your coming out will cause friction. The only questions are who with and how much damage they will try to do? My belief is that you have to hit a point where your need to come out is stronger than your fear of the worst case scenario if you do. And I hit that point a couple of years ago.
But I digress.
Here’s the guide. It will work on a Windows PC, and probably on other kinds of laptop with a bit of tweaking. Tablets and mobile phones weren’t really on the agenda when I wrote it. I imagine that’s a thoroughly horrendous process (this is tedious enough) so do it on something with a keyboard and mouse if you can.
If you follow these instructions, your T-girl account will be invisible to anyone who’s on your male account’s friends list. And even if someone else you know does find your account, it shouldn’t be obvious to them that it’s you. You may want to repeat this process every once in a while, as you add new friends to your male Facebook account.
Instructions
Sign in to both accounts (either on different browsers, or opening one in a private window/tab.)
Step 1 – Configure your male account to make its friends list public, then copy the link:
1a) Click on your name at the top of the screen to load your profile page, then click ‘Friends.’
1b) Click the ‘Edit’ (pencil) icon next to ‘Find Friends’ and choose ‘Edit Privacy.’
1c) Make a note of what the current settings are, and then set all of the options to ‘Public’
1d) Close the privacy window
1e) Highlight the page address in your browser’s address bar (www.facebook.com/yourmalename/friends) and copy it to the clipboard.
Step 2 – Block your male account’s friends from your female account:
2a) Paste the copied link into your (female account) browser window. It will list all of your male profile’s friends who are not currently on your block list. This will be all of them, first time around.
2b) Hold CTRL and click on each friend in turn – they should all pop up in their own new browser tab or window. It’s best to do this in batches of 20 or so if you have lots of friends on your male account.
2c) You will now have each of your male profile’s friends’ pages open in a tab or window. On each one, click the down arrow next to ‘message’ and click ‘report/block.’ Select the ‘block’ option and click ‘confirm.’ Once the message pops up (about Facebook regretting you having this bad experience) you can close the tab/window.
2d) Once you have completed this for all of your male friends, repeat from step 2a: There should be no friends visible if you’ve blocked everyone – if any are, then repeat the process for them.
2e) Block your male account, in the same way.
Step 3 – Configure and test your female account’s privacy settings:
3a) Go to the settings (gear wheel icon) and into ‘privacy settings.’ Set these up accordingly – I have my posts set to ‘friends only’, and most of the other settings as ‘friends of friends’, but this is a personal choice.
3b) When uploading any photos, make sure they’re set for ‘friends only.’ Bear in mind that profile pictures are always public, so if you’re feeling paranoid, keep them non-identifiable. Take care with things like backgrounds too. There’s no point in cropping out your face if someone’s going to recognise your wallpaper and curtains.
3c) To check that you’re happy with your privacy settings, go into the padlock icon and ‘Who can see my stuff?’ then ‘view as.’ This will show you what your page will look like to non-friends, and should highlight if you’ve got your privacy settings wrong anywhere. In particular, if you’ve ever posted any identifiable profile pictures, you may need to remove them from your timeline.
Note: Anyone you’ve expressly blocked (in step 2 above) won’t get to see any of your content – not even your profile pictures.
Step 4 – Finally, back to your male account and put it back to how you found it:
1a) Click on your name at the top of the screen to load your profile page, then click ‘Friends.’
1b) Click the ‘Edit’ (pencil) icon next to ‘Find Friends’ and choose ‘Edit Privacy.’
1c) Set your privacy options back as they originally were, or how you would prefer them to be (I normally have everything set to ‘only me.’)
And you’re done.
It’s all rather tedious, but worth it for peace of mind. Facebook works in mysterious ways and can sometimes figure out that two accounts are related. Mine started suggesting male mode’s friends to my T-Girl account. Thankfully, the reverse didn’t seem to be happening, and my T-Girl account wasn’t being suggested to my friends. But if you’re still in the closet and want to stay there for now, better safe than sorry.
